My Son’s Diagnosis of ADHD at Age Six
By the time my son was six, he had been showing significant symptoms of ADHD. After several therapists, testing, discussions with his school teacher, and his primary care physician, we finally received the diagnosis of ADHD Combined led by Anxiety. This means he has two types of ADHD: Inattentive as well as Hyperactive-Impulsive, plus a heavy dose of anxiety right on top.
I freaked out. Then, I freaked out again. TWO types of ADHD? I had never heard of such a thing. I dove headfirst into Google and began reading every possible thing I could about ADHD. Lack of focus? Depression? Hyperactive? Inability to regulate emotions? Executive functioning issues? Oh no. This felt like the weight of the world. I took a deep breath, poured a martini, and made the decision we were going to attack this head-on.
There are several factors that contribute to the successful raising of my now 13-year-old son. Homeschooling, emotion coaching, and practicing mindfulness. Homeschooling has kept him in front of me during these formative years so we can practice retraining those biological neuropathways in his brain. Emotion coaching has helped him regulate and learn self-awareness in addition to naming and understanding his intense emotions. ADHD causes emotions to be felt with much more intensity than someone not living with ADHD. Mindfulness has helped me stay grounded while working through his explosive emotions.
While I will not sugarcoat parenting a child with ADHD (in fact, some days it drains so much energy out of me, I need an extended mom time out and a FAT martini), I would not change who my son is. He is resilient, brave, and 100% comfortable with who he is. He lives unapologetically with his magenta hair (or teal or purple…or whatever color tickles his fancy that day) and rainbow onesies. He leads others with his outgoing and welcoming demeanor all while cracking jokes faster than I can catch my breath from laughing at the last one.
Since his diagnosis, we have acknowledged and celebrated his ADHD. He enjoys his energy, warm personality that attracts new friends easily, and ability to play any sport he chooses. However, we do not hide the fact that living with ADHD is a daily struggle and there are aspects about the disorder he wishes people would know. I decided to interview him and here is what he would like you to know.
Interview With My 13-year-Old Son Living with ADHD
What do you want people to know about your ADHD?
“ADHD does not look like it does on TV. We aren’t crazy.
I also feel like people get annoyed with the tapping of my feet. They tell me to stop and ten seconds later I do it again and they think I’m trying to piss them off but, it literally went in one ear and out the other and I forget. I literally hate sitting. It’s one of my least favorite things to do. Because I’m sitting and I really need to move and I don’t even know I’m tapping my foot and it makes others annoyed because maybe my foot is making a noise or something. I don’t like that I annoy people.
My head goes really, really fast but, I don’t think people really understand what I mean when I say my head, and all the things inside, are going so fast. Sometimes it’s hard to focus because everything is going so fast. My brain is just constantly thinking about random things and I can’t just not think about them. It’s never quiet. Sometimes I can’t even sleep because of it.”
Explain how ADHD affects your brain during a typical day.
“When I’m doing schoolwork like I do every day, I get distracted and I want to make a smoothie. Then I make a smoothie and then I want to go on a bike ride. So I do. Then I want to play a board game. Two hours go by and I still have five assignments that aren’t done because I forgot. That’s why I like checklists because it makes me not forget what I‘m doing.
✨ (Sidenote, Momma…you can grab the checklist he uses below!)
Also, If I see something random, I completely forget what I’m doing unless I continually think about what I’m supposed to. In just a few seconds, I completely forget. So frustrating. I don’t do it on purpose.
I constantly think about multiple things…not at the same time but, I switch topics in my brain so fast and then sometimes I say it out loud. You know that, Mom. I’m constantly talking. It’s just about random stuff. Not even about what I’m doing….just random stuff. I don’t know what happens. Even when I’m doing school. I’ll just start thinking about gas station food and then Cobra Kai and then about how Johnny ate gas station food. Like Danny….not Danny Devito….but Danny LaRusso. He doesn’t like gas station food. I just thought about that today while I was doing math.
✨ (Okay, pause. I have to admit…..that last part make me giggle a bit. Can we all agree with Danny LaRusso that gas station food is gross? Except on road trips…that’s the exception.)
It’s annoying and frustrating because I always try to stay on track and I never can. And I am constantly thinking about different things and it’s really annoying because it’s so hard to focus.”
What happens when you try and focus on your own?
“I can focus but, it’s really hard because if I stop for a minute because my mind wanders off, I start daydreaming and thinking about whatever for like 20 minutes and then I’m like, ‘Oh, yeah. I’m doing school.'”
Do you get anxious?
“Yes! And my head goes really fast and gets loud and I think about all the worst things that can ever happen. All of them. I get anxious and then it feels like there is something really heavy on my chest.”
How do you help yourself in those moments?
“I try to do what you tell me, Mom, and say it’s not going to happen. Sometimes it still feels the same. Sometimes I can calm myself down.”
What do you wish your sister knew about ADHD?
“I wish she would remember how fast I go because she doesn’t go fast and she gets annoyed with me.”
What do you wish Brian (his step-dad) knew?
“He’s annoyed when my ODD* is happening because I think he thinks I’m purposely trying to make him mad and get at people but I’m not. I feel I’m just talking and a couple of seconds after I say something, I realize it’s not nice. When I snap at people or have a tone, I don’t know it’s not nice until afterward and I realize it’s not nice. I mean, if I scream, I obviously know but if I just snap or have a tone, I don’t notice until afterward.”
✨ *Pause again – so, ADHD is often accompanied by other disorders. My son also struggles with ODD which is Oppositional Defiant Disorder. According to the Mayo Clinic, it is marked by an angry, irritable mood, argumentative and defiant behavior, and vindictiveness. I will discuss how we address these behaviors in a separate post.
What do you wish your Dad knew?
“Nothing. He has ADHD. He knows everything.”
What do you wish I knew?
“You know a lot about my ADHD already!”
Tell me about what happens when you have to do chores.
“My ODD does its thing and when you or Brian have to remind me, I ODD all over you.”
What happens when I remind you about a chore and you forget?
“When I have to do chores, sometimes I have literally no idea what I was just about to do and I have to ask you or think really hard because I honestly can’t remember. It’s so frustrating sometimes.
I have ODD, too, so I can’t explain it. It’s not that I want to come back with something. It’s just that I do and then later I come back and think ‘OMG, that was rude!’ afterward. Then, I don’t go out to people just to argue with them, I just say something afterward. I don’t try to be mean but, afterward, I’m like ‘Oh, crap. That wasn’t nice.”
We Celebrate ADHD!
As we closed up our interview, I asked him what he likes about having ADHD. He was very honest and told me how he loves his endless energy (and let me tell you….his energy IS endless!) He enjoys having friends who also have ADHD because he feels he can relate to them. Learning about successful, famous people who have ADHD is inspiring to him and helps him remember he can be and do anything he sets his mind to.
My beautiful, creative, original, funny, outgoing, athletic, and energetic son is a ray of sunshine in this world and his ADHD does not define him. We will not apologize for his differences. ADHD is only a part of my son and we will continue to see him, listen to him, celebrate him, and continue to guide him with the tools for the success he needs to grow into a respectable young man….and he’s already well on his way.
Do you have a child with ADHD? What are your struggles? How have you celebrated ADHD in your family? Leave me a comment below and let’s discuss!
This was wonderfully said Deborah. Your son is awesome! We need to get our 2 ADHD sons together soon. Thanks for doing this and shedding some light on our day to day struggles and also the joy of their uniqueness.
Thank you, Julie. It is a journey, for sure! I think it’s important to make our kiddos aware of their ADHD to allow for self-awareness and exploration. On that same note, having friends who also have ADHD is so helpful for them to relate. What do you think? Additionally, we Momma’s need to stick together for support through the challenging days.
I appreciate you taking the time to read my blog post! Come back again soon!
Hugs,
~ Deborah